Two Steps Forward

"I have thrived on honour and recognition from others. I have wanted to be admired and respected, and I've strived my whole academic life to maintain my position on a pedestal. I'm beginning to see just how selfish and prideful a pursuit this has been. A socially acceptable form of idolatry."

Two Steps Forward, quite literally, is two steps forward from the first book in the series, Sensible Shoes. I found that Sensible Shoes dealt with the hard-hitting almost obvious-yet-we-don't-want-to-acknowledge-that-we-struggle-with-those-sins kind of book where it knocked some very typical sins that everyone may face on the head.

Now that was a sentence! Haha :)

Two Steps Forward delves into these heart issues a little deeper as it explores mindsets that we struggle with, opinions we may hold, and especially expectations that we have of ourselves and of others that don't uphold to God's good plan for us - expectations that harm us more than help us.

The book carries on right where Sensible Shoes ended - Meg is on her way to England to visit her one and only daughter, determined to set things right with Becca in regards to the Dad she never knew; Charissa is struggling with the news of her pregnancy and how this will effect her end of term essays and exams; Mara is working through her difficult marriage and learning to trust in her new found friends; and Hannah is navigating her way through her new relationship, a task she has no experience in and is slightly afraid of.

All four women are carrying with them the lessons they learned from the Spiritual Retreat and are learning to apply them in all areas of their life.

Idolatry of the Self

That first quote I wrote at the beginning comes from Charissa, near the end of the book when she gets a result back that she hadn't expected to get. She is wrestling with her expectations of herself and those that her parents have placed upon her. In all honesty, this was an expectation I wrestled with last year throughout my first year of postgrad. As a graduate student you are told that you are the top of the heap, only those with an A average really can be bothered to carry on. In order to get scholarships, which you should be getting as a graduate student, you must have a perfect grade sheet - one thing that I absolutely did not. I would beat myself up, cry myself silly, and never forgive myself for achieving anything less than what I expected. However, Charissa summed it up perfectly in her lightbulb moment. These expectations upon ourselves that cause us to rely on the honour and recognition that our grades at university create is "a socially acceptable form of idolatry."

I recently spoke to someone at a powerlifting competition who was speaking about the max score you can achieve in a competition. She said that she gave up calculating the number years ago because when it comes down to it, it is just a number. If you can achieve the best you can on the day whilst factoring in the rest of life and what might be going on - then that is all that matters. You can't expect to do better than you ever have done before because there are nerves involved, you are tired, you might have slept badly the night before, or you might just be sore and fatigued. And that is okay.

This is a philosophy I intend to carry into my 2019 studies. It is just a number. I have spent my entire degree comparing myself to people who drop everything for university, who live with their family who can cook for them, who don't have relationship issues and who put themselves above all else. That is entirely unrealistic. I am married, I have a husband who I can't (and don't want to) ignore, I have responsibilities, I have to work, sometimes I get to bed late because there is just too much to do on my to-do list. And if I get by with a few A's, a few A-'s and a few B's, that is incredible. And it is enough.

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Our Relationship with God

Another quote that stood out to me comes from Hannah.

"I've said 'Here I am... Let it be to me according to your word" and then braced myself for suffering and sacrifice. I haven't said that prayer with hope or confidence in the love of God... If we only ever expect pain, our ability to discern God's way is severely impaired. She said that faithful listening is about listening to God's love without fear. When we offer ourselves expecting only to suffer as much as possible, we aren't free to listen in love."

This is something I am extremely guilty of and have never known how to fix. I have grown up with people saying that to follow God is a sacrifice, a sacrifice of the self. You must sacrifice your worldly desires, you must sacrifice your time, your energy, your dreams. If God asks you of something, it will come at the expense of something else.

But I've recently been learning how wrong of a mindset that is.

I was reading through Phillipians 2:5 the other day and something stood out to me that I had never recognised or seen before.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Being one with Christ is supposed to be an encouragement and a comfort. Being one with Christ will save us from the heartbreak of false expectations, of disappointment. We find comfort in his love and out of that spawns a desire to do His will, because it is in our best interests.

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Reading this book has done wonders for me. While the first book was therapeutic, it felt like I was sitting through my own counselling session and tackling with issues I had been to scared to utter out loud, this book helped me to look for the root causes of my beliefs and mindsets. It is beautifully woven together. You will cry with all four women, you will learn from them, and you will rejoice with them.

So put on your sensible shoes, as I invite you to pick up this book and read all that it has to offer for you. I can guarantee that there is something for everyone hidden within these pages.

Until later,

Michaela.